Lettered Cottage giveaway

One of my favorite decorating blogs is having a giveaway. The Lettered Cottage is worth a look even with out the giveaway! http://theletteredcottage.blogspot.com/2009/05/hudson-goods-giveaway.html They are giving a wool pillow from Hudson Goods. Look how cute this one is! Check them out at hudsongoods.com

Pray not to miss the lesson

"Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation"
Brigham Young

I had the privilege of going to Women's Conference at BYU last week. My mother and father in law took over for me at home. They did it all from running kids to lessons, Dr appointments and cooking dinner. I am eternally grateful for all that they did to allow me the privilege of going away and being spiritually fed for several days.

Of course all the classes were excellent and worthwhile but I find myself reflecting on one. The presenter was Colleen Terry and the topic was The Atonement and Personal Revelation. She was very insightful and much of what she said really spoke to me and the situation that we in our family are currently dealing with. She talked about her own dealings with Lymphoma of the neck. To be treated with radiation you have to be perfectly still and in proper position. They make a wire mesh mask of your face and then when you lie down on the table, the mask is put on you and you are bolted to the table. You are then ready to receive treatment. One day as she entered the treatment room, she noticed that her mask was not on the table. The attendant opened a cupboard and there was her mask with her name on it among several other masks. She couldn't borrow a mask. Her mask had to fit her perfectly. It had to be her mask They got out hers and proceeded. The lesson was the individuality of the mask and thus the individuality of each of our trials. Elder Neal A Maxwell said this about our challenges...

"I believe with all my heart that because God loves us there are some particularized challenges that he will deliver to each of us. He will customize the curriculum for each of us in order to teach us the things we most need to know. He will set before us in life what we need; not always what we like. And this will require us to accept with all our hearts the truth that there is divine design in each of our lives and that we have a rendezvous to keep, individually and collectively."

My trial is my individual curriculum. It's what I need to become the person I want to become. To become a person worthy of exaltation. I realized that we can embrace our trials knowing that they are the refiners fire and that all must pass through their own fire. At the end of the presentation my friend turned to me and said "well that one was for you". You know it felt like it was it was all the things I needed to hear. I have thought about her statement and I wonder if she might have missed something that will help her in the future. She isn't currently going through a large crisis but she will, we all do. Hers will be different from mine but it will be hard and challenging nonetheless.

Another thought that was presented that really made a difference to me was the idea to pray not to miss the lesson. I think that goes with embracing the challenge. I really do want to learn what the Lord would like me to learn. Is it more patience, greater charity, service or maybe greater compassion for the suffering of others? I'm sure the list could go on. I hope and pray with all my heart that I will learn the lesson that is encapsulated in my challenge.

Released

On Sunday I was Released from my service as Relief Society President. I knew it was coming, I needed it to happen, I had been Relief Society President for 3 years almost to the day. And yet when they said the words in sacrament meeting. I began to cry. I cried through the whole meeting. Then I had to bear my testimony in RS and cried again. I was surprised by it, because I thought I was ready for it. The truth is I have a great love for every sister in my ward. I have been so blessed by serving these amazing women. I have been blessed to get to know sisters that I never would have gotten to know well. The three women in my presidency have become like sisters to me. I know I could call on them for anything! I have truly been blessed. I will miss every opportunity I had to love and serve. So now as I type the words I have been released I cry.

Tales from the infusion room

Troy was dehydrated so we took him in and they infused him with a sugar water combo. While there I met this lovely women being treated for non Hodgkins lymphoma. As we talked she was eating cookies. She told me that she was excited to eat anything she wanted right now. She gleefully recounted how she had lost 58 lbs and had always struggled with her weight! What a way to look at it! This must be the silver lining!

Here I made you cookies

Women nurture with food. We are all about visiting and bringing food with us. Since Troys diagnosis we have had so many cookies, cinnamon rolls, bread, ect... brought over. The kids are in heaven. They love it and we appreciate the love that is behind each gift. The other day I had to explain to my six year old's friends mom why I could not invite her daughter over ( Troy has low white blood cells) I was trying to keep it light and matter of fact. I took Lydia over to the house to play with her friend. The mom who is so sweet, came running out and thrust aplate of cookies in my hands. " I made you cookies, I'm so sorry about what you are going through" It really made my day because not only did it make me laugh but it was one more person who said that they will pray for us, and who went out of their way to show love to us. I am gratefull for all of the love and prayers that we are recieving!

How are you

Really I have no idea. I am constantly asked "How are you"
Me- Were good?
Them - No how are you
Me- Me? I don't know? I simply don't have time to think about me and how I feel . On Sunday someone asked me this and I started to cry. I really don't know. I'm so wrapped up emotionally in what is happening to Troy that I havn't stopped long enough to give some serious thought to how these things are affecting me. I'm not sure I want too.

Today during Troys Chemo we met a sweet couple. They were probably in their early 50's really not that old, maybe even younger. SHe came over to us and introduced her self and her husband. He has squamous cell carcinoma in the tongue. He has endured surgery, radiation and chemo and now the cancer is in his lungs. I felt so sad for her. Once it has metasisized like that it's the start of the end. As we left the infusion room, Troy simple said "he's dying" My heart just sunk. That poor family. Their youngest is 14. She was so serene as she talked about mortal life being full of trials, and the importance of relying on the lord. She told us that she and her husband think of it as their journey that they are on. She is an inspiration.

Clarity

When we first got the cancer diagnosis our lives became very chaotic and cluttered with the unknown, with fear, and with speculation for the future. It took a while for our heads to clear. Clarity comes slowly. Slowly we learned what we were dealing with. After a CT scan and a PET scan we learned that the cancer is only in the esophagus and the stomach. Very good news. Then we visited with the oncologist. More clarity and now we have a plan. We know that we are going to do 9 weeks of Chemo and then surgery and then more chemo. I feel more at peace as we know what we are dealing with in terms of the cancer and what we plan to do so that Troy can live a long life.