On Sunday I was Released from my service as Relief Society President. I knew it was coming, I needed it to happen, I had been Relief Society President for 3 years almost to the day. And yet when they said the words in sacrament meeting. I began to cry. I cried through the whole meeting. Then I had to bear my testimony in RS and cried again. I was surprised by it, because I thought I was ready for it. The truth is I have a great love for every sister in my ward. I have been so blessed by serving these amazing women. I have been blessed to get to know sisters that I never would have gotten to know well. The three women in my presidency have become like sisters to me. I know I could call on them for anything! I have truly been blessed. I will miss every opportunity I had to love and serve. So now as I type the words I have been released I cry.
Troy was dehydrated so we took him in and they infused him with a sugar water combo. While there I met this lovely women being treated for non Hodgkins lymphoma. As we talked she was eating cookies. She told me that she was excited to eat anything she wanted right now. She gleefully recounted how she had lost 58 lbs and had always struggled with her weight! What a way to look at it! This must be the silver lining!
Women nurture with food. We are all about visiting and bringing food with us. Since Troys diagnosis we have had so many cookies, cinnamon rolls, bread, ect... brought over. The kids are in heaven. They love it and we appreciate the love that is behind each gift. The other day I had to explain to my six year old's friends mom why I could not invite her daughter over ( Troy has low white blood cells) I was trying to keep it light and matter of fact. I took Lydia over to the house to play with her friend. The mom who is so sweet, came running out and thrust aplate of cookies in my hands. " I made you cookies, I'm so sorry about what you are going through" It really made my day because not only did it make me laugh but it was one more person who said that they will pray for us, and who went out of their way to show love to us. I am gratefull for all of the love and prayers that we are recieving!
Really I have no idea. I am constantly asked "How are you" Me- Were good? Them - No how are you Me- Me? I don't know? I simply don't have time to think about me and how I feel . On Sunday someone asked me this and I started to cry. I really don't know. I'm so wrapped up emotionally in what is happening to Troy that I havn't stopped long enough to give some serious thought to how these things are affecting me. I'm not sure I want too.
Today during Troys Chemo we met a sweet couple. They were probably in their early 50's really not that old, maybe even younger. SHe came over to us and introduced her self and her husband. He has squamous cell carcinoma in the tongue. He has endured surgery, radiation and chemo and now the cancer is in his lungs. I felt so sad for her. Once it has metasisized like that it's the start of the end. As we left the infusion room, Troy simple said "he's dying" My heart just sunk. That poor family. Their youngest is 14. She was so serene as she talked about mortal life being full of trials, and the importance of relying on the lord. She told us that she and her husband think of it as their journey that they are on. She is an inspiration.
When we first got the cancer diagnosis our lives became very chaotic and cluttered with the unknown, with fear, and with speculation for the future. It took a while for our heads to clear. Clarity comes slowly. Slowly we learned what we were dealing with. After a CT scan and a PET scan we learned that the cancer is only in the esophagus and the stomach. Very good news. Then we visited with the oncologist. More clarity and now we have a plan. We know that we are going to do 9 weeks of Chemo and then surgery and then more chemo. I feel more at peace as we know what we are dealing with in terms of the cancer and what we plan to do so that Troy can live a long life.